But In The End, It's Right...

Today is my birthday....my long-awaited birthday...

But, make no mistake...as I am sure you have guessed, I have been celebrating for a week already.... I mean, maybe I should say a month since there was the big birthday trip Ellie and I took to LA a few weeks back...her choice, this Left Coast city...and though London would have been my inclination, soon I warmed to the Cali concept...well, once we were invited to stay with friends in Bel Air for part of our visit...on the edge of Brentwood, that scandalous mid-90's murderous fall from grace still apparent at every turn: Bundy, Rockingham, Mezzaluna (now a Peet's Coffee, by the way...). But even so, we loved it there...we loved it, so surprising to me and my East Coast-centric suspicion of the sunny, happy Angelenos...no, no...believe it or not, I could see myself there...(shhhhhh...my Dad will never, ever speak to me again if he hears me say that...). Anyway, it was a great trip and a bonding experience for Ellie and me. Ok, so the only celeb we saw was Sara Gilbert, aka Darlene from Roseanne, stuffing her face with a bagel...and maybe I drove all the way down Sunset Boulevard from Bel Air to Silverlake pointing out every landmark along the way, not realizing she was in a dead sleep in the backseat until halfway through...and maybe when we hooked up with my high school pal, Nick, to meet his funky, cool, artsy LA posse at this hole-in-the-wall Chinese restaurant in the San Gabriel Valley, we drove around in a circle for 40 minutes trying to find the joint, exhausting Ellie to the point that she simply placed her head on the table and didn't speak until dinner was over (uh...buzzkill!)...and ok, so maybe when Ellie and I came out of the garage on Rodeo Drive she said (I sh*t you not): "Oh my gosh, Mom...it looks exactly like Ridgewood!"....So, dearest, you are telling me I flew 3,000 miles so we could shop in a touristy downtown that looks "exactly" like our very own suburban downtown...hilarious! But...we also rode the ferris wheel at Santa Monica Pier, on the edge of the Pacific...and twice we rode The Simpsons ride at Universal Studios, screeching and hysterically laughing the entire time...and we bought outfits on Beverly Drive...and we spontaneously blew off one fancy dinner reservation so that we could eat s'mores at a completely different place instead... And even with all that craziness, we had a blast...great moments...a most memorable way to celebrate our "zero" years together...

Then we came home and there was the Winter Doldrums dinner party last weekend, hosted by Teri and Charlie...a breakaway from the endless snow (finally) in the wine cellar at Brick House...friends, neighbors, drinks, food and fun...as always. And that led into this week, during which I indulged in some dress buying and salon treatments, readying for the celebrations and dinners and parties ahead...which began with an espresso chip ice cream cone on Tuesday afternoon that cheered me after a few days of feeling like I was living inside a Jewel song ("Same old story/Not much to say/Hearts are broken everyday...")...and champagne at Panevino with ADP (a year older this March 9th) and Sam -- the always friendly and gracious bartender not allowing us to order more than one drink as she felt like closing early....uh, ok....and there was the chocolate peanut butter cupcake from Just Desserts that I indulged in while ordering my birthday cake...and then, a little sashimi lunch at Sakura with a small group of my favorite friends, BFF Allison there from across the county and my 5 year old bestie and president of my pre-school fan club (she has a teddy bear named after me, enough said...), Miss Mere came along too...the best part though was when the little Japanese waiter brought out my surprise red velvet cake (Just Desserts again...) covered with candles, my friends and the entire waitstaff singing "Happy Birthday" in broken English, while the table next to us, also a group of women celebrating a birthday, jealously and sheepishly looked on as they split a brownie six ways...hahahahaha!!! I averted my eyes from the sad Piscean sister they were celebrating and secretly cackled to myself: My friends are better than your friends!!.... And then, I closed the week that night sitting at my kitchen table with TJ, sharing a bottle of pinot noir, a cheese plate and girl talk while our kids literally screamed and laughed for 4 hours straight...ending the week on a high...my last week in my thir...wait, no...my last week in my teens....

So I woke up early this past Saturday morning, a fresh, new day in the lead-in to my "The New 21" birthday week, and after catching my Tivo'd food porn fix of The Best Thing I Ever Ate (mmm...Berger's cookies from Baltimore...those fudgey bastardizations of the famed Black & White cookie of NYC...love!) and "Triple D" (eating johnnycakes with Guy in Providence, RI...that's not too far to drive...). Anyway, so after that I flipped around a little and was as pleased as punch to stumble upon Sliding Doors, that fine little cinematic masterpiece and parallel universe gem...the mid-nineties indie launchpad for the young Gwyneth...you know, before all her preachy macrobiotic crap and the yoga and buddying up with Madonna and the birth of Apple and the sanctimonious pseudo-wannabe-Brit condescension.....

Yes!!!! So psyched! I love Sliding Doors! I know, it wasn't like some masterpiece or groundbreaking work of art...it's sort of the thinking girl's version of a chick flick, I guess...but it is totally of its time and I relished the idea of becoming immersed and transported back to the mid-90's...you know, a time before I was turning The New 21, when Gwynnie ruled and I was young and new and working the Big City scene in my Gucci loafers. But aside from that, I totally love the film's concept...the whole notion that the smallest, most insignificant hits and misses in our daily existence can alter the path of our lives dramatically.

So you all know the story...Gwynnie is brown-haired, deceived and put-upon by the unfaithful live-in boyfriend in one universe and blond, heartbroken, jaded and healing with the help of the cute, fun Scottish guy in the other...and we see what would have happened to her had she made it through the subway's sliding door on that fateful day. We all know where the movie goes...the lessons she learns...how she is hurt and heartbroken but is saved. And we know how it ends up...that she eventually finds herself exactly where she should, knowing what she needs to know, finding what she is supposed to find, even though it comes with loss...and ultimately being with whom she belongs. So aside from using the movie's appearance on my TV as an excuse to loaf some more on this Saturday morning, I was thinking how perfectly timed it was for me at this moment...because as my birthday approaches, and particularly over this past year, I have been looking back at the choices I made that delivered me to this point in my life...and as always, wondering how it would have all come together had I taken a different path...or missed the subway on a fateful day...

But...

I might never have driven down Sunset Boulevard, my 10 year old girl sleepy in the backseat...or hung over the Pacific on a ferris wheel...or seen a former sitcom star scarfing breakfast on the go...or laughed and danced the Winter Doldrums away...or eaten that espresso chip ice cream cone or chocolate peanut butter cupcake... And you know, the birthday lunches and red velvet cake and girl talk and the kids screaming and playing for four hours straight...those are just the things this week that remind me to look back and own every moment and every choice...and embrace who I have become, without an ounce of regret....because to me, having regrets would be far too wasteful at this point... So...flawed or charmed as it may be, it is my very own perfect life...

And so...I will celebrate still. My parents are having a party for me this week...the youngest daughter...and I will see some of you there...and some of you will be with me in spirit (will drink one or two for you!)...and all of you will be in my heart...as always...

One year older, wiser...but still the same girl...

xoxo...Suz

PS A very Happy Birthday to Nancy, who (thankfully) is a year ahead of me, but who shares this great day...Love You, Nance!!

Photos:

1. My seventh (or "The New Three"...) birthday party at our old kitchen table on Mohawk Road in Franklin Lakes...always a pro at scarfing cupcakes apparently...

2. Celebrating warmth and freedom and being 10...Ellie on Santa Monica Beach, only a few weeks back...

3. Me and Ellie warm by the pool at Hotel Oceana, Santa Monica... Good thing I missed the boys so desperately or we may have taken up residence...

4. Ellie couldn't be happier...s'mores at Luna Park on the edge of Beverly Hills...

5. (left to right): Suse, Freddy, Tim, Pina and Colleen...some Winter Doldrums revelers...happy and festive even though there had just been a two day blizzard and over two feet of snow on the ground...

6. Miss Mere of the SisterG's...my little soulmate and future NYC roomie (just call me Aunt Sassy...)...

7. Weighed down with treats from my friends -- bouquets and gifts and a mis-marked balloon...maybe that birthday girl at the other table was turning 40...

8. Red velvet deliciousness...the first of many sweet, delicious birthday celebrations this year...

9. Berger Cookies...pure heaven...who's coming to Baltimore with me...?

10. Gwyneth, goddess of the mid-90's, in Sliding Doors...

11. This past Saturday evening, my kids and I celebrating with steaks and creamed spinach and red wine and chocolate macademia cake...and the potholder big sis, Cath, made for me...(yes, filled with irony...)

12. (left to right) Nancy, Suse, Susan, me, Amber, Gwen and Chris...Some of the inner circle, back in January...the first celebration of many that have and will follow...