Oh, We're Halfway There...or Maybe Just a Third...

We began our "New Face of Forty" spa tour sampling granola, totally buff beneath bathrobes (well, truthfully Lisa and I are far too demure to go commando...but those other hussies were all over it...)...Suse was laughing hysterically while surveying the many offerings of the bathroom bidet...warm, cool, front, back, soft, hard and, of course, blowing air... Oh yes, at Elements Spa at the Crystal Springs Resort, not one inch of your body is unattended to... And so our treatments commenced...

But let me rewind a little so I can set the scene... It was Suse's big birthday this past Monday, and as such a group of our friends converged upon Crystal Springs for a spa weekend/girlie sleepover party. There was Suse and Sistergirlfriend (aka SisterG), Lisa, leading the way...Sam and Mary riding alongside me in my Little Blue Jag replacement, the less flashy yet far more dependable, Black Equinox (wah, wah, waaaah...). Kerry and Lisa D. were only 30 minutes behind...Ellen making the scene for a manicure and some cocktails...Ann and Karen meeting us for dinner...but the award for most committed goes to Helen, who not only hit the Cub Scouts annual Blue & Gold dinner before driving up to meet us, but she didn't even take a moment to change...her brown Scout Leader shirt still in place...but looking cute as can be in it, as only Helen can. I warned her the concierge would think we hired a stripper if she walked in wearing that thing...but she still wore it...oh and we did dance, but there was no stripping...I will get to that....

Back to the beginning -- of course there were giggles and chit chat and major happenings to cover and analyze and deconstruct during the 45 minute ride into some other NJ county (where is Vernon anyway...is that Sussex?)... At any rate...we arrived at the spa, and first we lunched and then checked in at the spa, where Suse, SisterG and Sam settled in for their first appointments while Mary and I drove over to check in at the Grand Cascades Lodge, the other, newer hotel at the Resort... And wouldn't you know it? As we settled up and got our keys and tipped the bellman, four other Washington School moms, there for their own Spa Weekend, strolled by...and we all stared at one another in bewilderment, processing this odd out of context moment...eventually suggesting we catch up at dinnertime for a cocktail. So after we set up the rooms, unloaded the selection of champagne and wine and cheese and bread and chocolate and cupcakes that we brought along, Mary and I headed back to Elements, put on our flip flops and robes, and found our girls chilling out in the rosewater foot baths...

And so, my French pedicure, which includes a foot massage by tongue (just kidding...but some of you guys enjoyed the image...I know you did....) was soothing and beautifying...and my facial was rejuvenating, leaving me glossy and fresh...and the Spa granola was divine, as was the lunching and the chatting and the laughing and the being with my close friends in a serene atmosphere. But as I settled in the rosewater foot bath post facial, I checked my watch and looked around...only Mary and I remained...which could only mean that the rest of the Spa posse was already back at Grand Cascades, showering and cocktailing...they were getting a head start! Damned if I could sit still for that...I hopped out of that rosewater bath and sprinted into the changing area, where Mary was alone with the bidet (hmmmm...)...I hastily dressed, ran out to pay my bill and make an appointment for the next morning -- a Hot Stone Massage (mmm...yum...have the tingles just recalling...) -- and Mary a

nd me hopped in the car and sped back to meet our friends.

And we found Suse and SisterG hanging with our dinner guests, Ellen and Karen and Ann...and they had already cracked out the supreme brie and the sauvignon blanc and the Reese's Peanut Butter Hearts (tastes great with a dry white...)...and they were all clean and squeaky, newly washed hair...and the clock was ticking... I took a quick sip and ran to my room, where Sam was exiting the shower...I brushed my teeth and checked out my glossy skin in the mirror...and it was then that I asked myself what was more important: being on time for cocktails or sporting my steamy, scraggly, rumpled spa hair at dinner... I am a vain little b*tch at times, but there was no question...nobody minds a little spa hair now and then, as long as you are holding a champagne flute when your friends make the first toast of the night. So I jumped in the shower at lightening speed....within minutes I was all dressed in my black J. Crew ensemble and my gunmetal grey patent leather T-straps...I poufed my Spa Hair (not quite as sexy as beach hair, by the way, but tousled still...), applied the makeup and was on my merry way, 15 minutes from the time Mary and I walked in the door. It wasn't until we started taking pictures later in the night that in my haste to take part in some bubbly, I had not realized I had placed light-colored undergarments beneath an apparently see-through shirt...so enjoy the photos because I have no choice but to share and flash you all by default (my apologies...).

So anyway...we made our way to the bar at the Crystal Tavern (where SisterG and I spotted Elin Nordegren and Forest Whitaker...or maybe it was Elin's twin and some other guy who looked like Forest...)...Either way we ordered up Kir Royale all around...except for Kerry who chose the extra WASPy vodka collins (she is a Mainliner, after all...). And there were salads and dinners (kurobuta pork!) and photos and many bottles of wine...and there was a little chocolate mousse cake for Suse and the Happy Birthday song. And as we exited the Crystal Tavern we took a detour and caught up with the other group of Washington moms that had made the scene... And then, just when Helen finally arrived in her Scout Leader outfit and we squealed with delight, we heard a rumor that there was a gay wedding taking place in the ballroom around the corner....

That was all I had to hear!

Unable to contain my need to revel amongst the gays, I grabbed Sam and Helen and we hightailed it to the adjacent ballroom...hoping for cheery guests, pulsating music, a jammed dance floor, well-dressed and fabulously groomed men telling hilarious stories.... But instead, we encountered the lamest party of all time kicked into high gear... There was not a gay in sight and this was obviously some New Jersey nether-regions office party gone wrong. There was a sparsely populated dance floor anchored by an over-excited DJ spinning some tune-age by JayZ...there was the obligatory unattractive office couple pawing at one another, and the secretarial pool was dancing in a circle. In the back corner of the room there were two very bored bartenders tending the emptiest bar in history. Sam went over to said bartenders and asked if this was the gay wedding and through their laughter they cleared up what we already knew...this party was for the employees of some Cablevision office nearby. So, thinking they were following me out, I turned on my heels and went back to get the other girls...and as I did so, a woman in a red floral dress invited Sam and Helen to stay and dance....and they did.

I returned minutes later with the rest of our group and as we entered the ballroom we took in the scene -- Sam and Helen dominating the room, a group of Sweet 16 partiers alongside them...and the entire Cablevision office staff watching in stunned confusion. We ran to the dance floor and danced as a group and snapped pictures and laughed out loud as quickly as possible...because we knew that behind our backs the Cablevision team was devising a plan to oust us so that their lame bash could begin again...And the next thing we knew some waitress came over and told us to get the hell out after the song was over...and Sam goes: "we were invited!" and points to the lady in the red floral dress who was heading in our direction mouthing the words: "I'm sorry." And we are all waving her off like: "no, don't worry...it's all good...don't be sorry..." and she goes: "I really wish you could stay because my daughter is 25 too, and I love seeing girls your age having a good time..."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Say what?????????????

I have to say, this woman was no more than 50...and had to have been either very drunk or severely vision impaired. Or perhaps it is possible that the Cablevision radio waves had rendered the lady in the red floral dress delusional...I mean, no question my group of friends...not just the Spa Girls either, the extended group, far and wide...are an amazingly beautiful, attractive, vivacious, compelling and well-kept group of lovelies...but I can admit it, we definitely look at least 32 on our best day. Still, we didn't correct her mistake...who are we to argue with 25? You know...like I said..."The New Face of Forty."

So we moved on, and after briefly considering hitting the pub, we decided to take our conga line upstairs, get dressed in pjs and meet for a girlie gab-session on Suse and SisterG and Mary's

beds... and there we cracked open the cupcakes and the raspberry brownies and all of that chocolate and washed it all down with chardonnay as we played a game of "Questions" 80's style... you know, things like: "Which Breakfast Club character best mirrors your high school persona?"...and "What is the best " '80's one hit wonder?"...and "Purple Rain: compelling showcase of Price's groundbreaking artistry or borderline porno?"... And so we now know the group's collective favorite Journey song is "Don't Stop Believin'..." though Suse and I made a solid argument for "Open Arms"...oh the genius of Steve Perry coupled with pre-teen angst! I mean, who doesn't love a great 80's power ballad to bawl your eyes out to? It's my favorite of all pastimes...next to being naughty. Anyway...so, we questioned and answered and we giggled and chit chatted and dissected and deconstructed and told stories...finishing the night exactly as it had begun on the drive up...bonding with our favorite girlfriends.

Lucky us to have these moments together as often as we do...and lucky Suse to be celebrated and surrounded by such love and friendship for a full 24 hours...who could ask for more for a fortieth birthday, really?

Well....other than being mistaken for a 25 year old.....

xo, S

** This post written with thoughts of D.E., who needed someone...but did not think she had any girlfriends she could lean on...R.I.P.

Photos:

1. Jen Aniston, with the most powerful reps in the business selling her to us as Queen of the "New Forty..." Ok, I'll buy that...

2. SisterG, Me and Suse...devising a strategy to eek out one more day at the Spa...

3. Spa Girls: SisterG, Suse, Mary and me...all wrapped up in our Spa robes, feet in the rosewater baths, spa hair apparent...some of us in the buff underneath...

4. SisterG, Ellen, Suse, Karen and Lisa...all dressed up and draining those champagne bottles while I was still covered in rosewater...

5. Sam and Lisa patiently waiting for a refill on their Kir Royale...

6. Suse wth Scout Master Helen who is just joining the party...tell me she's not rocking out that hot brown shirt...
7. Tragic fashions and dance moves by the Sussex County Cablevision posse...you just know that's the mailroom guy and the accounts payable assistants...

8. (left to right) Kerry, Helen, Suse, Lisa, Me and my blush colored bra, SisterG, Sam and Mary...Hot b**tches on parade...Of course we could pass for 25! In Sussex County at least...

9. The girls surrounding Suse with love on her big day...