I Think I'd Maybe Definitely Rather...

So the excitement of the season is upon us...you know, that post-Thanksgiving rush to shop and party and revel and enjoy...and it's still early on enough that the carols and the frantic pace and the crowded stores and and the ingesting of too many calories have yet to begin their assault on my senses and mood (well, except for the other night during the annual Rock Center tree lighting when all I wanted was to walk across town for a cocktail with Amber...and it took me 25 minutes to get from my office on 46th and Sixth to Whiskey Blue on Lex and 50th because of the yahoos and out-of-towners ambling along too slowly and messing with my plans...). At any rate, thankfully I haven't slipped into Scrooge-mode quite yet...because I love a

good time...and there are so many great moments over the next few weeks...the Arcola Country Club family celebration, which was this past Sunday afternoon with face painting and magicians and Santa and balloon animals...and at which I drank 3 flutes of champagne and then winked at one of the geriatric members whom I caught admiring my shoes (they are a hit with all ages!)...and then Will dropped his new table pinball machine on the guy's foot...love it! Anyway...also upcoming is Amber's cookies and cocktails/secrets and lies party...Casey and Marty's inaugural all-night Christmas bash...Ann and Chris's annual open house....the church ladies Dirty Santa gift swap party...my office dinner/boozefest (Rob Roys all around!) at Beacon...and of course it's pjs and mom jewels for New Year's and Ellie's 10th birthday.

But for me the season really started with the annual kickoff to Christmas with the college alumni posse of New York City -- this year on a warm and toasty (thanks global warming!) evening, making my bare-leggedness all the more acceptable....and wearing "the shoes" all the more appropriate and festive. And speaking of holiday wardrobe, the men all looked dapper and merry rocking their Christmas ties -- TL in the traditional red and white stripe, Big sporting a brand new look this year with the green "Snow Crab" from Vineyard Vines...and I didn't really take notice of all the others, but they probably looked good too... So the evening was upbeat and celebratory and drama free, always a bonus. But, well...ok, so, I admit it...there was the point I knocked a giant pint glass over onto the mahogany bar and in-turn the hard wood floor...and it crashed so loudly and ferociously that the entire place stopped and the Class of '76 whooped and clapped and made fun of me relentlessly...Jago saying afterwards: "Just like a

Stonehill girl..." Though I vehemently denied responsibility and claimed the unattractive she-male bartendress knocked it over as she handed me a beer...she didn't...and no one really believed me...but I stuck with the story. So as for snafus and shenanigans, the crashing pint glass was really it... After the party there were drinks and dinner with my besties...extra drinks after the party was over had me arriving late to dinner, then only getting a brownie and a few sips of TL's leftover Malbec before I walked back across town in my four-inch heels with Kathie and received a come-on from the ConEd man on 41st and Park. This all transpired as I scarfed my very first street dog in no less than 15 years...nothing hotter than a chick in party clothes pounding nitrite-laden junk food...or so I hear. And the night came to a close...

But then, to top it all off, the morning after I received a traffic

ticket for cell phone usage while driving on Central Park West as I debriefed and downloaded the events of the evening with TL. He's a very bad influence....lucky I wasn't arrested. The highly trained traffic cop, who probably should have been arresting a mugger or a turnstile jumper and not harassing me as I gossiped, didn't buy my "spacey suburban mom" act and gifted me a $130 "first offense" fine...just in time for Christmas. 'Tis the Season!

So...a fitting kickoff...and the weekend had barely even begun...

On Friday night the gourmet gals had our final gathering of 2009 at Sharon's house...

so we all crowded around her festively decorated living room eating and covering the week's happenings -- as you can imagine, Tiger Woods and Meredith Baxter comments were flying around the room like germs at the YMCA tot drop...(trademark, Trish J...). Ok, so, regarding Tiger -- why are we judging, I ask...ok, so his taste in and the class level of his side-slices are questionable, but living in a bubble can

cloud one's judgment, my loves...And in touching on Meredith Baxter (not literally...) I argued that, after three failed marriages, I might also take up with a female construction contractor...at least that broad can probably fix a leaky faucet and put in a master suite over the garage...and maybe she has other talents of which we have no knowledge...I am just saying. And we debated these current events and scandals as we sampled our dishes inspired by our own family Christmas Traditions...the cheesy oniony toasts, my offering (not only

are they perfect with a little Veuve Clicquot, but interspersed with Marisa's fresh mozzarella, they made a fine and delicious hangover cure...yes, you see, that street dog and Malbec did me in the night prior...or maybe it was catching the late-night showing of the premiere episode of Jersey Shore on MTV that made me sick...but please do call me "S-Woww" from now on...). So as we threw back all the yummy selections...ADP's sausage-broccoli rabe pasta (which reminded me of the time I offered my sweet little darling seconds by saying: "more broccoli rabe?" and he goes: "I'm Will..."...I laugh my a** off every time I think of that...) and Sharon's pierogies and of course (it is Christmas after all...) we ended the meal with cake and pie and Suse's famous chocolate fondue -- girl talk, chocolate dipped bananas and pretzel rods...does it get any better...??

Yes! Because as is her way, ADP suggested we play "Would You Rather" while we ate. You know that game...the players make up these ridiculous circumstances and give one another the opportunity to debate the answer...why they would choose one difficult or ridiculous or morally ambiguous situation over

another. And I love this game and games like it, especially when I am with my girlfriends....I mean, I play it all the time with my kids when we are in the car and they are always saying stuff like: "Mom, would you rather get hit by lighting

and die or wear yellow everyday for the rest of your life?" And every time I explain that no matter what, I will always choose the alternative to death...and then their next question is: "Mom, would you rather go to pick-up wearing only a bathing suit or get crushed to death by a gorilla..." Come to think of it, maybe this is one case in which death would triumph. Anyway, thankfully this time I was playing with adults and expected that the questions would be rife with moral dilemma and intrigue...Each of us took a scrap of paper and came up with our own "Would You Rather" entry....I wrote two, because after I wrote my first, I thought of one I preferred...and because that's how I roll. So then we each chose a scrap from the pile and went around the table reading, and inspiring debate.

Right off the bat the first question rounded right back to the weekly happenings with: "Would you rather be Tiger Woods' mistress or his wife..." Ha!! Believe it or not, even with all the paying off and leveraging and gifting and deal making that is going

on...neither option excited any of us much....and not because of the moral issues surrounding Tiger's current situation, but honestly because we agreed that no matter how many billions Tiger has, not a one of us could muster up even a marginal attraction to the poor b*st*rd...not cute at all. I mean, not that he seems to be suffering any problems finding gorgeous romantic partners, but, well, he's not a hit among our set apparently. I know -- what a bunch of shallow b*tches we can be, right? Well, at least we aren't gold diggers.

So we went on.... "Would you rather...."

Be in a relationship with someone who had horrible dragon breath OR someone whose nose whistled when they breathed? All I can really remember about this debate is that I said, "Well at least you could give him Velamints and hope for the best..." and the Velamints reference just cracked Joanne and Trish up...and I told them my dad always loved those (he does NOT have halitosis, by the way...just bad taste in candy...). Growing up there were always packages of the black licorice Velamints on the brass table in my parents' front foyer. So Velamints I could live

with.....Marry next for love OR money? Ok, all you cynical guys out there...the women virtually all said "for love." Then there were those of us who said the only reason we would ever get married again is if we needed health insurance...such romantics, huh?.....Spend a night in an inner city homeless shelter OR live with a hoarder? No contest after a few of us had seen the season premiere of Hoarders on A&E just this week -- ten years of garbage piled up in this toothless hag's living room, including the petrified carcasses of two dead cats. Swear to g*d!.....Be a wh*re OR a bore? Come on, that one was easy....no one likes a bore.....

Oh, there were more...and of course, we were partaking of the libations in full-force during this exercise, which in turn, had us howling with laughter far beyond the true hilariousness of it all...and as you can imagine, this made the night even more fun-filled...just how it always should be with your friends... And you know, so maybe some of our "Would You Rathers" may have been laced just a teensy-weensy bit with superiority or judgey-ness...and maybe that's not so much filled with the Christmas spirit...nor does it belie the true joy we had in being together, the fun we have with eachother and the love we share with one another... But come on, it's fun to giggle at the foibles of mankind every once in a while...like here, how about these:

Would you rather...

Be a tree-lighting yahoo OR get stuck among them along Fifth Avenue in the walk across town to share a Christmas cocktail with one of your dearest friends?

Stand in the corner and quietly sip chardonnay OR smash a giant pint glass on the floor of a bar crowded with people who know you?

Be so late for dinner that you have to eat a street dog on the way home OR miss out completely on seeing your besties to kick off the Christmas season?

Get tipsy on champagne and offer a fleeting thrill to an octogenarian

golfer OR be a grown-up and try not to laugh when your baby boy

drops his gift on said octogenarian's foot?

Get a ticket for talking on your cell phone while driving OR completely miss out on the post-party download?

Miss the late night replay of the Jersey Shore premiere OR be cured of

your hangover with some

champagne and cheese and bread and a snappy

game of "Would You Rather..." with your girlfriends?

You know...I stand by the options I chose this week (or stepped a**-backwards into...)...and hey, I think any of the above is preferable to finding out from Larry King or Nancy Grace or Us Weekly or TMZ.com that you are actually one of nine of your married, billionaire sugar daddy's pole-dancing side slices...ouch!

Joy to the World...Joy to You and Me...

love ya! S-Woww

Photos:

1. The first of many this season...how many days 'til New Years?

2. Ellie and me at the Arcola Country Club party...she in painted face, and I in my giant fake diamond-cross...aka "mom jewelry"...

3. I walked all the way across town in those babies for half a brownie and some Malbec residue...and I'd do it all over again!

4. RJP and some Brooklyn Lager fill in for the she-male bartendress and empty pint glass...but if I told you this was a shot of the actual moment, you would have bought it...no?

5. That poor woman is being mugged while the NYPD has the whole force out looking for me and my rogue hand-held cell phone...

6. ADP toasting with something warm and alcoholic...all horny like a Reindeer...

7. TJ brings me my order...all I need is some fresh mozzarella and the street dog hangover is history...

8. ADP, Janice, Tracy, Kerry and Robyn a few weeks back...the pre-Season gourmets...

9. Who hasn't slept with Tiger? Not cute by the way...did you notice that?

10. Velamints make a comeback....

11. Dearest Amber and I, sharing a Christmas cocktail during the Tree Lighting mayhem...

12. Will clutches his table pinball game...mere seconds before defending my honor by wacking the old coot with it...

13: Kerry, Me, Suse and Lisa...wouldn't you rather always be surrounded by your favorite friends? Yes!