They Are, Like, Totally Diverted...

Back from the sand and sun and let me launch right in and assure you that Suse and I planned on wasting no time getting our winterized a**es Gulf of Mexico-side upon arrival on beautiful, warm, sunny, soothing Longboat Key...but not until after we bumped into my dad's friend who had been visiting my parents' home at Sunset Beach in the days prior to our arrival. And for some reason, this lovely man, who happens to be a Harvard University professor and is, quite frankly, a certified genius, gave us a review of his week, complete with a legal pad sized, single spaced, handwritten note full of recommendations and suggestions, a stack of maps and restaurant menus...and a review of the items he so kindly left for us in the fridge. And it was such a sweet gesture...but the clock was a-ticking....only 3 days and 12 hours left....So I was playing my best gracious young lady act and being profuse and thankful...and Suse is stifling a laugh because, while we appreciate his kindness, after 26 years, I have my LBK routine down pat. And thanks, but no thanks on the hand-me-down milk and deli meats...Suse tossed that crap as soon as we heard the elevator door close...Oh, but the new toaster he gifted Dad's kitchen was a nice bonus...Ok, so, the first hurdle in our path to restful relaxation had been cleared...

So we drop our bags and hop back into the little silver Volvo S80 (which, by the way, it took me about 10 minutes to figure out how to turn on, and I am usually really extra skilled at turning things on...but you know, there was a button and brake pumping and a slide in key contraption...whatever...). Anyway...we drove right over to The Old Salty Dog, an outdoor bar/restaurant/hangout that sits right on the seawall and has 360 water views...boaters pull right up and dock at the adjacent marina...so, needless to say, it's a festive scene round-the-clock. And we order up our first vacation cocktails -- some Mango Maddness slushy thing for Suse and for me some rum drink that looked like my favorite Bermudian specialty, the Rum Swizzle, but tasted sickeningly like a cherry Lifesaver...And though we secretly miss our kids, we begin to relax...especially after I return that nasty Lifesaver drink for a frosty Margarita....After the drinks and a Grouper sandwich we parked ourselves back at Sunset Beach, sea-air swirling around us as we chit-chatted and napped on the sand for three hours straight...and in a beautiful omen of what was to come, we saw a porpoise swimming a few yards out in the Gulf and he jumped straight up in the air and back into the surf three times in a row...and it was an amazing and stunning sight...a fitting kickoff to the weekend....

And thus began a non-stop vacation cycle...leisurely morning walk on the beach, breakfast, Starbucks run, some shopping at St. Armand's (where the salesgirl at Island Pursuit asked if we girls were “on Spring Break…”…made our week…), a little afternoon nosh, tanning and blonding by the second as the sea air whipped my hair into salty, Medusa-like curls, chatting and napping Gulfside until dinner....Dinner...yum...hey, we all know I could go on for eons about the food, well, you have no idea of the fine dining rampage Suse and I went on this weekend...more on that in a few. Now, every night we fully planned on hitting The Colony for a little Happy Hour with the Sugar Daddy/Geriatric Boyfriend posse. We have always been a hit with the distinguished types, you know...they think we are young and cute and peppy and since we are more than a decade out from the hot flash years, to these guys, we might as well be a pair of sorority sisters. There was this one gentleman who was a bit like a Floridian Indiana Jones, scrubbing his boogie board on the beachwalk, crinkly crows feet and all...and he was dropping hints left and right that we meet him over at The Colony...and we were all coy and wink-y, promising we'd stroll over along the beach before sunset...but we never did....such heartbreakers....Ok, back to the food...

So of course we hit Euphemia Haye and the kickass dessert bar upstairs at The Haye Loft (homemade Key Lime, Southern Pecan, Red Velvet Cake, Tres Leches Cake, giant Fudgey Brownies, three different cheesecakes...I could go on...) and we scarfed the Peanut Butter Mousse pie and took home leftovers...and though she may kill me for telling you, Suse and I licked a few bites off the fork for breakfast the next morning. We even made a return trip so Suse could bring a piece back home for sistergirlfriend, Lisa H. And of course we hit Columbia Restaurant with it's open-air patios for the signature 1905 Salad and truly, without question, the most perfect Mojitos (next to Scoey's, of course...)...a Longboat Key tradition...festive beyond your wildest dreams...pure bliss.

But it was Saturday night at The Beach Bistro, the widely acclaimed restaurant hidden right on the Gulf in Holmes Beach...this little beachy town sort of like a tiny Floridian LBI. It was our dinner there that ended up the jewel in the foodie vacation crown. Before our table was ready, we sat at the little mahogany bar and chatted up the barkeep who gave Suse a bonus blackberry at the bottom of her champagne glass. And as Suse quizzed him on his favorite menu selections (his choice was the bouillabaisse, chock full of individually poached per order shellfish...for $56...)... I whipped out the camera and snapped a shot of the Dow Jones Martini sign….and this all seemed normal enough to us…until we were seated and our server, Adam, started bringing over extra appetizers and samples and bottles of champagne and after dinner drinks...all the while I am snapping pics of Suse and our Bourbon Maple Glazed Shrimp and Lobstercargots and Rack of Lamb and Crispy Roasted Duck and Grown-Up (spiked) Milkshakes…

So we suppose this may be how the restaurant staff came under the impression that Suse and I were restaurant critics. And we did little to dispel that misinterpretation....in fact, maybe we encouraged it a little…And though we loved our dinner and were reveling in the extra attention, really, the misconception of our status wasn't even clear to us until we received our check and found all of our drinks and the bonus menu selections all paid for...well, this was certainly a fine dining nirvana and our little girls’ weekend had shaken out perfectly….How lucky were we?

….Well, not so fast…..

Come on, friends, we are talking about Suse and me here...we of the mandolin/finger-severing incident and the burning fondues and frozen Vermont pipes and cocktail party troublemaking...together we are little mini hurricanes and you can always count on the plan diverting from course early and often....

I will jump over all the details that waylaid our activities…the overnight thunderstorm, our spontaneous brunch detour for 1905 Salads, a last minute walk on the beach in the drizzle, the leisurely packing and the calls to the airline, which originally had our flight delayed 3 hours and 44 minutes due to air traffic control shut downs at Newark….so it’s their fault we were dawdling. Suffice it to say we made it to the gate with only about 30 minutes until departure, and that was after each of us separately had been called out at security for a bag check...and what did they confiscate? Our souvenir 1905 Salad dressing from Columbia....damn!! And though we were delayed, we boarded anyway…and though originally we were seated separately, we were able to sweet talk an accommodating fellow so we could be together…all it would cost us was a single beer when the beverage cart made its way towards us. And though we should have known what we were in for when the pilot stopped short and gave us all whiplash while taxiing to the runway, we set about our trip through bumpy turbulence while we mindlessly watched Four Christmases with the mismatched duo, Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn, and our neighbor in the aisle seat taking in a few episodes of Everybody Hates Chris…

But about an hour in the captain broke through, interrupting the insipid film with an announcement: “Ladies and gentlemen, all approaches into Newark have been indefinitely suspended and we are being put into a holding pattern until further notice…” So we groan and look out the window and Suse looks back at me and says: “I can see another plane just below us…” and I begin envisioning a mid-air collision so I am panicking silently. And then she says: “There’s another one right above us…” And so it was apparent that there was an issue…(a Russian rocket perhaps???)

So we begin chatting with our seat-mate, Mikey G. from Monroe via Bay Ridge, Brooklyn…and we played 20 Questions and learned all about his family and profession and his dotcomming past and the ages of his three kids…and that he and his buddies, two to the left of us, had been in Sarasota for a golf weekend. And we told him all about Suse’s injured finger and our gourmet dinner posse and our stint as fake restaurant reviewers the night before and all about this blog…and so, of course, we became buddies. And I knew that we had bonded with Mikey G. such that if I wanted to grab his hand during the bumpy ride, he would have accommodated without question. By the time the captain broke back in to tell us that we were being diverted and grounded in Norfolk, VA, we had fully planned to go out cocktailing with Mikey G. and his band of merrymakers as soon as we hit the Airport Hilton.

But there would be no Airport Hilton or any festivity on the Norfolk cocktail circuit…instead we sat on the tarmac for 3 hours, all powered down, playing Six Degrees of Separation with our airplane neighbors. When Mike jumped up to stretch his legs, his buddy Dr. David Saint made a beeline for his seat (uh-oh....now whose hand was I going to grab?) …and it was then that we learned of our many connections…how he was QB for Don Bosco football team in the late ‘80’s, knowing a selection of my Holy Angels posse and the guys from Bergen Catholic too…and when I said I was from Franklin Lakes he started rattling off names from the past…and a few from right now – Pina and Mary C. -- Wyckoff moms who happen to also be two of mine and Suse’s most favorite and very dear friends…

So even though it was hot and cramped and the guy in front of us yelled at us for being too aggressive while playing electronic Solitaire…and even though a mom in the rows behind us started loudly and ferociously snapping at her poor frustrated little boy…and even though the pilot was stopped just prior to takeoff for an additional 45 minute delay...we were making the best of it. And eventually the captain announced we would takeoff a few minutes before midnight (mind you, we had been en route from LBK since 3 p.m....), and we landed an hour later in Newark and once we (finally) grabbed our bags and got to our car it was already 2:30 a.m.

So as we got on the road, Suse turned to me and said: "Well, at least this will make for some good blog material..." and we giggle and laugh and then she adds: "After all the drama with my fingertip and now this epic flight delay, what could be next? I am thinking we should cancel any plans we have together next week...."

I guess she must have forgotten that we had a long-standing invitation to our first Passion Party this upcoming Friday night (Passion Party virgins...an oxymoron? One of the many I inhabit...)...And with the guest list contrasting between wild suburban cougars (ok, pumas), sweet moms and desperate housewives...we have no choice but to attend....I owe it to you, my friends and readers, don't I? Me and Suse and a whole room full of adult products? I mean, what if I have a hard time turning one of them on? Or maybe Suse's other finger will get stuck in one of them. And we might need to grab a souvenir for sistergirlfriend, Lisa (as long as it doesn't get confiscated at airport security...now that would be classic...). Or maybe, just maybe, we will be mistaken for adult product critics, and the hostess will start handing out all kinds of lotions and oils and god only knows what else....eeek!! the Catholic schoolgirl in me is just cringeing and blushing uncontrollably...No, no...we can't miss out on that...I mean, talk about blog material...

Hugs,
Suz

Oh, and don't forget that TL's Harem is congregating at Nancy Whiskey late afternoon on (Holy) Thursday the 9th for Lenten Wrap-Up/Sam's Birthday bash...and even though the actual TL is proving an elusive get for the guest list, you certainly won't want to miss out on the fun, will you...??

Photo 1: Kicking off the trip with a foamy can of skunky Bud...leftover from the Harvard professor...apparently geniuses drink Bud...

Photo 2: Toasting my vacation with that nasty cherry Lifesaver drink at Salty Dog...cannot wipe the grin off my face...well until the sticky sweet grossness crosses my palate...

Photo 3: A little shell collecting on Longboat Key...

Photo 4: Me and my salty/beachy Medusa-do...only one day in...

Photo 5: Our man, still waiting, wishing and hoping at The Colony Monkey Patio...

Photo 6: Suse and me on the other hand are face-first into the Peanut Butter Mousse pie...

Photo 7: Scarfing the 1905 Salad and kickass Mojitos at Columbia...

Photo 8: Suse and I still high from the Beach Bistro food and booze onslaught...we definitely award it 4 Stars...

Photos 9 and 10: Mmmmmm...some of our freebie samples arrive tableside...who needs adult "products" when you have Lobstercargots and Grown-Up Milkshakes...

Photo 11: Pre-flight dawdling...who doesn't spend the morning shooting cell phone self-portraits?

Photo 12: Our illegal salad dressing...praise Jesus and all the David Saints that it wasn't a "Magic Wand"...

Photo 13: Mikey G. leaning forward...longing to reclaim his stolen spot next to me and Suse...

Photo 14: Ahhh yes, the Airport Hilton of Norfolk...we so would have spiced up that bar scene....

Photo 15: Suse and I, celebrating a great weekend...totally worth the near misses and lame airplane movies...

Photo 16: I am waaaay too shy to even guess what that might be or where you might apply it...