She Was Sent To Rescue Me...

So Tuesday morning I finally crawled out from under the post-Christmas gift-and-food hangover/holiday malaise/Snow-ma-f*%#ing-geddon...and though the cookie bloat and champagne brain freeze still gripped me a little bit, Sam and I rustled up the energy to hit a noon showing of Black Swan at AMC Garden State Plaza... Yes, that's right, we actually drove our a**es to the world's most widely visited mall along with every other bonehead in the tri-state area the day after a huge snowstorm closed said mall for an entire extra day post-Christmas, just so we could watch Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in some sadistic, soft-core ballet torture fantasy. And if that wasn't enough insanity for the day, right in the middle of some s**ually tense scene on the ballet studio floor, the film was cut off, screen going black...and lights began to flash in the theater...and there was a loud honking sound...and over the loudspeaker a recorded female robot voice said: "A fire emergency has been detected in this part of the building, please walk to the nearest exit and depart the building immediately." And I am kind of dumbfounded for a second, like "is this part of Natalie Portman's scary f***ked up fantasy or are we really being evac'd?..." Sam and I look at one another and the announcement comes on again...everyone stands up and we all walk out...into a sea of other confused movie-goers exiting the other 15 theaters...and we are all ushered out the door and told to wait in the mall until the theater is checked and secured. This was not the relaxing afternoon alone in the dark with my own secret thoughts that I had in mind...

I stood in front of the Roxy store among the expelled movie-goers and texted Rob to report the fire emergency/evac developments and to let him know I might be late getting the boys...and his initial response -- "OMG!" -- was followed by a second that said: "This is from Ellie: Mommy r u ok?" My heart pinched...how sweet she is....I hadn't thought anyone would be worrying about my safety in this setting...likely an electronic glitch related to snow melting on the roof of the theater and knocking out wires or something. Still, I tend to forget about the fear that grips a child with any possible inkling that his or her parent may be in danger...or hurt or sad or pressured or frustrated.

I am straight with my three always, very likely to a fault...any question, I answer, no matter the sensitivity...and by now I guess I figured they would have built up a wall, almost jaded with knowledge of issues and subjects that might be morally ambiguous or confusing or hard to process...but somehow, even with this openness, Ellie has maintained an innocence about her as well, so what did I expect from her anyway...

like: "oh Mom's just stuck in a fire emergency, not to worry!" Never...not Ellie...she astounds me daily with her unabashed and natural instinct to put others before herself...she is a truly thoughtful person...buying gifts

for the neighbors at the school's Holiday Store...drawing pictures for her teachers...throwing her arms around my parents and telling them "I love you!" at the top of her voice no matter who hears...picking flowers for her cousin...throwing a surprise party for a friend and insisting we make blue-frosted cupcakes because that is her friend's favorite color...always looking out for her brothers, wanting their safety and happiness...and even comforting me when her young mind and open heart are instinctively aware that her mother is hurt or sad or pressured or frustrated... She is a genuinely kind being....and somehow, she is mine...

This New Year's Day marks Ellie's 11th birthday...you all know...you all remember she is the Y2K Baby, so I will skip that part this time. I just wanted to write about her again this year because she's turning into a pre-teen for real now, and I am pretty certain that I don't tell her enough how perfectly awesome I think she is... Ellie is my first....my truest love, whose birth transformed me. Earlier this year, Will and she were talking at the breakfast table and he said: "Ellie, you are a very special child...you are the one who made Mommy and Daddy parents..." Too sweet...so true...that firstborn is so very special to all of us...and she is my only girl, and that has been even more special for me...I always thought I would have more daughters, that she would be the greatest big sister to another little girl...but instead, she and I have only one another.

I talk about my three all the time, so you know so much about what they say and where they go and what they do...but there are a few things I love about Ellie that only those of us who share her life really know...and in the spirit of this New Year, let's visit those in a tidy Top 10...or no, Top 11 ("Well it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten..." Bonus points if you identify the source of that quote!...) countdown....

11. Look very closely at Ellie's strawberry blond hair and you will see that it is comprised of single strands of different alternating colors: red, orange, golden blond and platinum blond.

10. When Ellie was a baby, I used to rock her to sleep at night by lightly running my nails up and down her back...and still today she can barely fall asleep without me running my nails down her back...

9. Ellie was born at 5:56 p.m. on January 1, 2000...her brother, Tim, was born 19 months later at 5:56 a.m....and her youngest brother, Will, was born 23 months after that at 1:56 p.m...

8. My daughter is an unapologetic carnivore...and could quite possibly be bribed with a piece of rare prime rib...

7. Ellie actually prefers to be called "Elizabeth"...

6. She is a bit of a thrill seeker...roller coasters, air turbulence and free falls are favorites...

5. Ellie loves the dangerous type...the bad boys...(hmmm...does that run in the family maybe? just a little bit...)...Billy the Exterminator and Edward Cullen are both on her list of dream dates...I better keep Russell Crowe (aka my boyfriend) the hell off her radar...

4. She developed a very sweet Southern accent when at camp this summer, and when she tells the story of falling off her horse in competition, it comes back...

3. She cries when she hears the song "Lean On Me," watches Teen Mom and when I get mad at the dog...

2. Ellie wants to adopt a child when she grows up...

1. Ellie is a specific and unique variety of Rittereiser...her kindred spirits include my beloved Gramps, Aunt Liz, Cousin Deb and sister, Trish...she adores and is happiest around dogs and horses and is great with little kids... Along with that comes a sharp wit and grasp of comic irony, which is natural, unrehearsed and proves to me that she really is mine...

And that takes my breath away...

Happy, happy New Year to all...enjoy, have fun, be safe... Am hoping that each of us gets everything we want in 2011...

Love always....

Photos:

1. The Black Swan and her audience....no fire drill that night...

2 - 9. Ellie at various stages in life and with people who love her...