She Was Sent To Rescue Me...

So Tuesday morning I finally crawled out from under the post-Christmas gift-and-food hangover/holiday malaise/Snow-ma-f*%#ing-geddon...and though the cookie bloat and champagne brain freeze still gripped me a little bit, Sam and I rustled up the energy to hit a noon showing of Black Swan at AMC Garden State Plaza... Yes, that's right, we actually drove our a**es to the world's most widely visited mall along with every other bonehead in the tri-state area the day after a huge snowstorm closed said mall for an entire extra day post-Christmas, just so we could watch Natalie Portman and Mila Kunis in some sadistic, soft-core ballet torture fantasy. And if that wasn't enough insanity for the day, right in the middle of some s**ually tense scene on the ballet studio floor, the film was cut off, screen going black...and lights began to flash in the theater...and there was a loud honking sound...and over the loudspeaker a recorded female robot voice said: "A fire emergency has been detected in this part of the building, please walk to the nearest exit and depart the building immediately." And I am kind of dumbfounded for a second, like "is this part of Natalie Portman's scary f***ked up fantasy or are we really being evac'd?..." Sam and I look at one another and the announcement comes on again...everyone stands up and we all walk out...into a sea of other confused movie-goers exiting the other 15 theaters...and we are all ushered out the door and told to wait in the mall until the theater is checked and secured. This was not the relaxing afternoon alone in the dark with my own secret thoughts that I had in mind...

I stood in front of the Roxy store among the expelled movie-goers and texted Rob to report the fire emergency/evac developments and to let him know I might be late getting the boys...and his initial response -- "OMG!" -- was followed by a second that said: "This is from Ellie: Mommy r u ok?" My heart pinched...how sweet she is....I hadn't thought anyone would be worrying about my safety in this setting...likely an electronic glitch related to snow melting on the roof of the theater and knocking out wires or something. Still, I tend to forget about the fear that grips a child with any possible inkling that his or her parent may be in danger...or hurt or sad or pressured or frustrated.

I am straight with my three always, very likely to a fault...any question, I answer, no matter the sensitivity...and by now I guess I figured they would have built up a wall, almost jaded with knowledge of issues and subjects that might be morally ambiguous or confusing or hard to process...but somehow, even with this openness, Ellie has maintained an innocence about her as well, so what did I expect from her anyway...

like: "oh Mom's just stuck in a fire emergency, not to worry!" Never...not Ellie...she astounds me daily with her unabashed and natural instinct to put others before herself...she is a truly thoughtful person...buying gifts

for the neighbors at the school's Holiday Store...drawing pictures for her teachers...throwing her arms around my parents and telling them "I love you!" at the top of her voice no matter who hears...picking flowers for her cousin...throwing a surprise party for a friend and insisting we make blue-frosted cupcakes because that is her friend's favorite color...always looking out for her brothers, wanting their safety and happiness...and even comforting me when her young mind and open heart are instinctively aware that her mother is hurt or sad or pressured or frustrated... She is a genuinely kind being....and somehow, she is mine...

This New Year's Day marks Ellie's 11th birthday...you all know...you all remember she is the Y2K Baby, so I will skip that part this time. I just wanted to write about her again this year because she's turning into a pre-teen for real now, and I am pretty certain that I don't tell her enough how perfectly awesome I think she is... Ellie is my first....my truest love, whose birth transformed me. Earlier this year, Will and she were talking at the breakfast table and he said: "Ellie, you are a very special child...you are the one who made Mommy and Daddy parents..." Too sweet...so true...that firstborn is so very special to all of us...and she is my only girl, and that has been even more special for me...I always thought I would have more daughters, that she would be the greatest big sister to another little girl...but instead, she and I have only one another.

I talk about my three all the time, so you know so much about what they say and where they go and what they do...but there are a few things I love about Ellie that only those of us who share her life really know...and in the spirit of this New Year, let's visit those in a tidy Top 10...or no, Top 11 ("Well it's one louder, isn't it? It's not ten..." Bonus points if you identify the source of that quote!...) countdown....

11. Look very closely at Ellie's strawberry blond hair and you will see that it is comprised of single strands of different alternating colors: red, orange, golden blond and platinum blond.

10. When Ellie was a baby, I used to rock her to sleep at night by lightly running my nails up and down her back...and still today she can barely fall asleep without me running my nails down her back...

9. Ellie was born at 5:56 p.m. on January 1, 2000...her brother, Tim, was born 19 months later at 5:56 a.m....and her youngest brother, Will, was born 23 months after that at 1:56 p.m...

8. My daughter is an unapologetic carnivore...and could quite possibly be bribed with a piece of rare prime rib...

7. Ellie actually prefers to be called "Elizabeth"...

6. She is a bit of a thrill seeker...roller coasters, air turbulence and free falls are favorites...

5. Ellie loves the dangerous type...the bad boys...(hmmm...does that run in the family maybe? just a little bit...)...Billy the Exterminator and Edward Cullen are both on her list of dream dates...I better keep Russell Crowe (aka my boyfriend) the hell off her radar...

4. She developed a very sweet Southern accent when at camp this summer, and when she tells the story of falling off her horse in competition, it comes back...

3. She cries when she hears the song "Lean On Me," watches Teen Mom and when I get mad at the dog...

2. Ellie wants to adopt a child when she grows up...

1. Ellie is a specific and unique variety of Rittereiser...her kindred spirits include my beloved Gramps, Aunt Liz, Cousin Deb and sister, Trish...she adores and is happiest around dogs and horses and is great with little kids... Along with that comes a sharp wit and grasp of comic irony, which is natural, unrehearsed and proves to me that she really is mine...

And that takes my breath away...

Happy, happy New Year to all...enjoy, have fun, be safe... Am hoping that each of us gets everything we want in 2011...

Love always....

Photos:

1. The Black Swan and her audience....no fire drill that night...

2 - 9. Ellie at various stages in life and with people who love her...

Get Back To Where You Once Belonged...!

"Suz, did you by any chance cut me off of your blog distribution?" Laughing, she added: "I thought maybe I was missing something...maybe we were in a fight and I didn't remember..."

Susan McG., November 2010

As if!!!!

I know...it has been a while. I can explain...

You all know me...I have been writing something -- notes, letters, diaries, short stories, secret musings -- at least once a week since I was six. And then, this Fall, I just stopped...for much longer than a week... Hmmm...odd, yes...but it was easy to push aside, what with all the happenings and holidays...the post-game Avon Walk and Priscilla Presley at the big Halloween bash and the Harvest Ball honoring Mike McG.... and then there was Parents' Night Out with the 50% posse at Indian Trail Club and dancing non-stop in 4-inch heels (the fuchsia-bowed, of course...) at the K3 Christmas party...and Thanksgiving -- Thanksgiving! my favorite day of the year came and went without a written word from me...wow. I had unconsciously talked myself into ignoring the issue, but it was then, in that moment with Susan, that I acknowledged it to myself....

I had Writer's Block.

Cr*p. I told myself it would go away, but I just could not reset my brain... I mean, writing isn't just something I "do"...at this point, it is part of the fabric of my being....I felt the void. So I pushed myself, and forced out some paragraphs...but I didn't think they sounded like me....my voice was buried in there somewhere, but it sounded like someone else was writing "in the style of Suz." I was not going to have that, so I stopped trying...closed the diary, capped the pen. And I was sad...but I figured the rest of you would just get used to me being gone...you would soon find something else to briefly divert your attentions while you sipped your morning latte...and it would be OK eventually. Even if it wasn't really OK with me... So I told myself -- just like Peter Cetera said -- everybody needs a little time away....

Then last week I opened Facebook and there was Gwen's status on my news feed: "Waiting patiently for thus-it-continues...." Like an encouraging little tap on the shoulder...someone out there remembered. So did I. Mostly I remembered how much fun I had with it...but could I shake the Block just because I wanted to reconnect? I terribly missed sharing...and I missed writing...but it was like a friend I hadn't hung out with in a while but thought of often...should I reach out? I wasn't sure. Still...of one thing, I was certain -- I would never choose to give up anything that means so very much to me...

And since when do I craft my choices based on the philosophy of Peter f*%!ing Cetera??? I don't. I do what I want to do...so...

It's Christmastime, for crissakes...I am going to rely on the scrappy passion of Band-Aid for inspiration: "Here's to you! raise a glass for everyone!" Yes! raise a glass!...that's exactly how I want to feel -- celebratory. 'Tis the season...and to me that means we need celebrate all around...to be thankful and languish in the many different loves that surround us...to welcome the secret joys that life brings us...to be grateful that we have another year ahead to achieve the lives we want for ourselves...and to learn to embrace the gifts we are given, even if we sometimes don't know how to fit them in our lives. One of the gifts I have been blessed with is my ability to connect...so that is what I want to do...I want to find my way back to you.

Bye-bye, Writer's Block.....

And so...since we're talking about the goings-on inside my brain, I think this end of year return offers the perfect opportunity to review...

Random Favorites by Suz!!! -- 2010 Edition.

A ride through the little pleasures I enjoyed this year... Kind of like People's "Best Of" issue with a dab of Oprah's "Favorite Things" mixed with The Soup's "Clipdown"...only not quite as awesome....nobody is getting an Apple iPad or a pair of Classic Sparkle UGG boots or anything...and I won't be linking to any Kardashian-related hijinks (sorry boys!)....

Anyway, shall we?....Let's...

5. XM 80's On Eight

Ok so, even with my abhorrence of radio commercials ("1-877-KARS4Kids..."...I swear, if I hear that cr*p one more time to start my day, I may rip the radio from its socket...), I am a latecomer to the whole satellite radio concept. I knew about it, but my late great little blue Jag didn't have it, so I stuck to old school methods, you know...I made mixed CDs filled with the sing-along classics of The Backstreet Boys and George Michael and .38 Special and Pink and The Mamas and the Papas (I have eclectic taste...obv...). But now....I have the luxuriously fabulous Chevy Equinox and she came all wired up to XM radio....60 billion entertaining channels to choose from! The first station I found was mellow, folk-y, coffeehouse channel, The Bridge, which happened to be playing my favorite old Rod Stewart classic, "I Don't Wanna Talk About It" ("...how you broke my heart...")... So I would just stick on that station...until the heavy rotation of James Taylor's entire catalog (entire...) and a few too many plays of Janis Ian's "At Seventeen," nearly caused me to drive into a tree and end it all... I desperately flipped to '80's on Eight, and "Walking On Sunshine" was playing...my heart immediately leaped in memory of all my innocent youthful crushes and beyond...and I have been a loyal convert ever since.

What a decade! Talk about eclectic...ok., we all know that Journey and Styx and REO Speedwagon totally rule...but pepper that in with a little Culture Club ("If it's love you want from me, then take it away...") and some classic Toto ("Hurry boy, she's waiting there for you!"), and that craptastic 80's-centric collaboration between Barbra Streisand and Barry Gibb ("It ought to be illegal...") followed by Howard Jones ("And do you feel scared? I do!..."), all topped with a little sprinkle of Jeffrey Osborne ("Flying high upon the wings of loooooovvveee!!!...)... and that's all before I get the kids to drop off!! It's like a bipolar ride through my grammar school and high school years all wrapped up in one easy little electronic push of a button...and I don't know about you, but I miss those days. Even the hairsprayed bangs could use a comeback....

4. Iron Chef Michael Symon

Tyler Florence? So yesterday...

This year felt like the right time for me to anoint a new personal hero on the celeb chef scene, I guess, because Michael Symon rode the "Dude Food" movement right into my heart. You know...the Dude Food posse -- Guy Fieri and Duff Goldman and Chris Cosentino and Michael Psilakis and token gal, Anne Burrell -- a highly credentialed group, professionals and top of their game...yet lovers of the down and dirty approach to great, real food... Tyler Florence may be the alpha-dreamboat prom king, but these are the kids who throw the best after-party, you know? And Michael Symon is the jewel in the Dude Food crown with his bald head and his technically-d**chey-but-somehow-ok-on-him soul patch and the hearty laugh and successful restaurant empire and creative genius as Iron Chef...he's like the mysterious guy you didn't notice much til Senior Year, even though he's on the rugby team and can also fix your car and sing every word of "Wonderful Tonight"... And when Chef Symon introduced the world to duck-fat-fried Gravy Frites via The Best Thing I Ever Ate, well....he had my heart.

3. Modern Family

If you are not watching this show, you need to start right now...I mean, seriously, feel free to walk away from the computer now so that you can add it to your TiVo's Season Pass....I'll wait... My sister Cathleen rarely steers me in the wrong direction when it comes to pop culture...and all this year she was onto espousing the virtues of Modern Family..."it's irreverent but totally genuine..." Well-said...and completely accurate.

Modern Family is about a family...a normal, 21st Century family. There's guy-friendly Ed O'Neill as the awesomely nuanced, yet stereotypically macho 60-ish dad with the hot Latina trophy wife...and the gay brother with the overly emotional chubby husband and their adopted Asian baby girl...and the nutty, spazzy brother-in-law married to the anal sister and the weird kids and...it just goes on and on. And each character drops lines that are pithy and twisted ("Adolf Hitler, Charles Manson...shall we go on?...Naomi Campbell...") and extra brave (they also make excellent dueling Facebook statuses with my pop culture soulmate, Lisa A....)...and these writers don't miss a target, and take no prisoners. But somehow it is amazingly relateable...all done with a peek into the ridiculousness of family life today...and a nod to what truly makes a family... I see myself in all of them...

2. Internet Sensations

I suppose it's the "new normal," this world where it is totally acceptable to post videos of oneself and friends engaging in mundane (or not so mundane...) activities...and most of the time no one beyond your inner circle even sees them. But then there are these random events or home videos that take on a life of their own, making their way to "most viewed" on youtube and then getting reposted on Dlisted... And then everyone and their brother on Facebook and Twitter are posting links and sharing these video moments...and stars...or great midday diversions, if nothing else...are born. This is nothing new, I know...but this year in particular, there were three bits I watched over and over and over on youtube...and no matter how I felt...how stressed or p**sed or sad or angry or frustrated...no matter what, these just cracked me up every time...

Antoine Dodson aka "The Bed Intruder" -- Red-bandanna-ed brother saves sister from a nighttime intruder...and his classic TV interview following the attack is hilarious enough ("Run and tell THAT, homeboy!")...but then some genius created a mash-up that is so catchy I was kind of wishing I could buy it on iTunes...even my kids can sing it... You probably have seen it a million times...still, it's a must watch.

The Tree -- Some nutty actor guy from The South Shore or Essex County or something puts on a bargain basement auburn ladies wig out of the Jill St. John collection and giant Sofia Loren-brand sunglasses, then stars solo as this middle-aged woman talking to some person off-camera over the lifespan of the Christmas Tree... And this may sound like it is not worth your time, but 'tis the season to p** your pants...so go for it...

Total Eclipse of the Heart -- Literal version -- You remember that psychedelic dream sequence mess that was the video for the Bonnie Tyler classic, right? Well you have never seen it like this before... Please enjoy...

1. Road Tripping with My Kids

I thought a lot about the things I loved best this year...there were tons of news stories and national events and new products to choose from...not to mention parties and good times and great friends...but, truth is, it always came back to the kids...being with my kids. I was all over the map this year -- LA, North Carolina, the Gulf Coast, New England -- and my three little darlings were almost always riding shotgun. Most people don't look to spending the day driving around with three children alternating between beating the cr*p out of one another, pulling each other's hair, asking me if they can say the "c" word (they mean cr*p you dirty animals!...) and giggling with wild abandon...but it is my favorite thing...when we are all together, on our way to somewhere new or fun or exciting or warm or...just different.

I guess I love that no matter where I go, it is the three of them I want by my side. Not that this is a fascinating revelation on my part...I am their mother, they are an extension of my heart...and their love will always stay. I suppose what fascinates me is that they still want to be with me too....that they still throw their arms around me after school and my heart swells. As hard as being a mother of three can be, the rewards are truly endless...and being able to pick up and go anywhere with your three little appendages in tow....that's the best gift of all.... Blows the doors off finding a cure for your Writer's Block...

So...it's good to be back. Happy Christmas to all of my favorites out there, random or not...

Missed you.

xoxo

Photos:

1. (left to right): Flapper; Priscilla Presley; Wonder Woman; Yoko Ono; Geisha/Thai h**ker (just kidding, Kath!) and Lily Munster... Halloween or Fantasy Fetish Ball? You be the judge...

2. (left to right): Kath, Dana, Me, Wendy, Teri and Suse at the K3 Christmas Bash...notice Dana holding me up after 4 hours dancing in the fuchsia-bowed beauties...

3. 80's (not so) dreamboat and love philosopher, Peter Cetera...

4. Raising a glass with Gwen...

5. I love metallic shoes...but really, must we? That said, you know I am dying for a pair...

6. Culture Club circa '83...bet you don't know which one of the down-low bandmates was George's boy...and now has a wife and kids... Google it.

7. Murph, Me and The Donut...Senior Prom, 1988...totally rocking our big bangs out to Barry and Barbra...

8. Iron Chef Michael Symon...earnest, talented, funny, probably rides a hog, is nice to his mom and he can cook...dream date!

9. "She bit me! Ow! she did it again! It's like Twilight back here!..." -- Cam...with vampiress Lily

10. "Hide yo' husbands!"

11. "Make it nice by the tree...c'mon, make it niiiicccee....!!"

12. Who wouldn't let these little darlings say the "c" word whenever they asked...???