A decade has passed...I know I am not alone when I wonder where the time went...feels like a lifetime, but wasn't it just yesterday...? And I know that on occasion each of us, in our private moments, looks back on that day and still, all these years later, we feel the hurt as if it did just happen yesterday... I certainly do...
But then I remember that a week after that day, I was gifted the most beautiful and amazing
baby boy...Tim. He really was so perfect...sweet and happy and mine...and as much as my spirit was kind of broken in the days before his birth, Tim brought me out of the collective heartbreak we were suffering...I was his mother, and I had to be present and loving and joyful in his birth. As hard as you would have thought joy might be under the circumstances, his birth was what brought my family and many of my friends back...his birth reminded us that we are blessed and life would go on...
baby boy...Tim. He really was so perfect...sweet and happy and mine...and as much as my spirit was kind of broken in the days before his birth, Tim brought me out of the collective heartbreak we were suffering...I was his mother, and I had to be present and loving and joyful in his birth. As hard as you would have thought joy might be under the circumstances, his birth was what brought my family and many of my friends back...his birth reminded us that we are blessed and life would go on...
He will be 10 in a few days...living proof that it has actually been that long... He remains beautiful and amazing and perfect still today...a decade later...When I was a little girl I remember being overwhelmed by the concept of a decade...I remember what had to be late in 1979, being tucked in one night and telling my Dad that I was afraid to exit the '70's, the decade of my birth... The '80's were looming and I was almost innocently anxious about what that turning point meant (maybe I knew that leg warmers, acid wash, "We Built This City" and the birth of Lindsay Lohan awaited...I have always been a little clairvoyant...)... But truthfully, the turn of a decade seemed so huge to me then...I felt like I was leaving something I loved behind.
So it is an immense amount of time that has passed, and an immense amount of time that lie ahead...
I was thinking a lot about how we seem to process the 9/11 experience each year... This past weekend I spent Sunday morning scouring my TiVo menu, adding every single anniversary special and commentary and documentary and analysis to the "to-do" list...wanting to remember all the details from every perspective...not wanting to leave those memories behind... And I made my arrangements to attend memorial tributes and blessings and Masses...and I guess I figured I was fulfilling my vow -- the vow we all took -- to never forget. And as genuine and heartfelt as I know my gestures to be, I began to think that maybe, for me, "Never Forget" also meant something more....
I don't know...maybe it's just me, but I do wonder what deeper knowledge they would share with us if they could...and in my heart I think any one of those lost would urge the rest of us not only to Never Forget the events that took place...but to also remember how much they would give to have been able to live even one day of life this past decade... And maybe to Never Forget can mean that honoring their sacrifices is as simple and ordinary as recognizing the beauty of living everyday life -- the good and bad...the ups and downs...the late trains and early arrivals...the boring lunches and fantastic dinners...the bad hair days and rocking a sweet new look...the break-ups and make-ups...the rainstorms and warm summer nights...the final endings and new beginnings...the mundane moments and major life changes...
A decade behind and another ahead...in a blink of an eye Tim will be turning 20...and the decade of my birth gets further and further away...and that little girl snuggled under the covers in 1979 is responsible for three of my own who will take from this anniversary the most valuable wisdom I can impart... That early lesson I had in Tim's birth -- that life goes on -- is what I
will remember as the gift their sacrifice gave us... The rest of us get to live life...and so, with their lost hopes in mind, I don't ever want to forget to embrace the simple joy in doing so...So...my wish as we start the next 10 years is that you and I are still here at the other end...living each day, being surrounded by the people and things that fill our hearts and color our worlds...whomever and whatever that may be at that time...and that we are engaging in whatever good and bad, ups and downs, final endings and new beginnings, mundane moments and major life changes that this life may bring us...
So much love to all of you...this day, the next 10 years and always...
xoxo
