Rains, Pains & Fashion Migraines...

"It was like a high school party, only with adults...." Colleen S., April, 2011

More on that later....

HI my long lost, beloved friends....I know, it's been well over a month, almost two...the many distractions and expended energies that filled those days are behind us...the sun is beginning to shine and summer is coming... and, well, I missed you, so thus it continues...

So, the night before the Royal Wedding, my pop culture soulmate, Lisa A. posted a greeting from someecards.com on my Facebook page... It said: "Remember to pretend you're hungover instead of tired from being up since 4 a.m. watching the Royal Wedding..." Haha...loved it (and "liked" it)...I giggled and chuckled and maybe even chortled a bit, and then moved on. I already told you that I had been distracted and expending energies all month, so surprisingly, I was sort of only half paying attention to the Royal build-up...I wasn't really caring who the hell designed the dress and I didn't totally tune in every morning on Today when Natalie Morales would give us some tidbit of the day about Kate's shopping trips or Wills' bachelor party... In fact, I am one of the few people on the planet who is more interested in the Prince of Wales than in his sons (love him!)...although, let's be honest, almost all of us, including most of you guys out there, would totally give Harry a little sweet stuff if we had a shot...admit it...he's the bad boy ginger prince...who wouldn't? But I digress...all I am saying is that as a girl...as someone who has a sensitive soul and a romantic bone buried somewhere beneath all of this snark, I was absolutely planning to TiVo the wedding...but damned if I was going to haul my bum out from under the covers at 4 a.m. for the pre-game show... So there would be no need whatsoever to pretend I was hungover...because I had grand plans to sleep until 6:30, g**dammit!

God was laughing because my plan got derailed somewhere around 3:30 a.m. when I found myself in bed -- alert and staring wide-eyed in the dark at the ceiling, mind racing, Will's feet firmly lodged into my left kidney... And then spending the next two hours willing myself unsuccessfully back to sleep...then moving all over that bed trying to find a comfy spot...then clearing my brain...then watching The Real Housewives of New York City....then accepting my fate...it was 5:45 a.m...I turned on the Royal Wedding.

Of course we all know what happens when you decide to stay up now that you have wasted two precious hours trying to sleep...well naturally I started to feel groggy and headachey and dizzy...and dammitall, I had no choice but to power through, because I had to get my kids out and go to the office....which I did... Frankly, I don't recall showering or dressing, though clearly, I did....because when I finally had a moment of clarity at about 11 a.m., I found that Lisa A.'s someecard prediction was becoming a reality...I might as well have been hungover, because I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered who the hell that blind homeless lady who dressed herself so abominably was that was staring back at me from the bathroom mirror...

But it was me...I had become victim to that notorious karmic slap in the face -- the F***ed Up Hangover Outfit. Cr*p!!!!!!

Now don't tell me you haven't been there...at least you women...because we all have. You enjoyed Thursday night Happy Hour so much so that you ended up at the diner til 2 a.m. eating Disco Fries even though you had to be in the office at 8:30 for the Friday conference call. And when you woke up with that stabbing pain behind your eyes and the sand-papery throat and the gurgling somewhere in your stomach, you somehow get yourself ready for work...and for whatever insane reason, you think charcoal grey J.Crew stretch twill minnie pants, a navy blue Vineyard Vines t-shirt with a boat anchor adorning your chest, a cornflower blue ribbon-belt, a sky-blue J.Crew "Jackie" cardigan and your silver Tory Burch "Thora" sandals is the ensemble that will give you the strength to take on the day. Yes, my friends...I actually went out of the house with those fine items -- lovely on their own but beyond craptastic in an outfit -- all to gether on my body at one time. Not one of the shades of blue were complementary to one another...and the sandals and the fun, casual, coastal-themed t-shirt paired with the dark, maudlin grey minnie pants almost made me look as if I was dressed for casual cocktails on the water when I dropped a margarita on my white pants and had to substitute with whatever was laying on the floor of the closet...I looked like an a**. I am not sure if the stabbing pain behind your eyes actually color-blinds you, or if the alcohol withdrawal saps your brain of all your fashion sense, but this phenomena is real and it is frightening! And I wasn't even hungover!!! I didn't even get to hit the diner at 2 a.m. for Disco Fries...I was in bed by 11...but still, I was rewarded for a night of no sleep with a non -alcoholic hangover and a truly legendary f***ed up hangover outfit... I didn't even have to pretend.

But on the brighter side....thank G*d I didn't have to work the day after Sam's birthday celebration two weeks ago...because I am sure that outfit would have topped even the non-hangover Royal Wedding look. And I would have been limping to boot...

Ok...so remember back to the very beginning and my dear Colleen's perfectly spot-on quote? Sam' s birthday most definitely was like a high school party with adults...we had The. Best. Time. Forget the Skinny Girl margaritas and the cannoli cake and the artichoke dip and the absolutely gorgeous, fabulous group of women that are our friends ....all fantastic, of course...but instead, think back to that Saturday of soaking, torrential, monsoon-like rains...that was the night we celebrated, and honestly, I think that added to the fun. People always think rain will ruin a party...but I have not found that...we all know my history with Nor'easters on wedding days and communion parties and in the middle of PTO speeches... I have always found that the crazy bad weather somehow creates a deeper bond among the people who are celebrating together...and the party is exponentially more festive and fun...everyone is thrilled to be together, dry and happy, cocktailing away...

And that was exactly how the night developed at Sam's...

So, the high school party broke out in the middle of the grown up cocktail party shortly after the cake was served...someone turned the music louder and on came "F*** You" by Cee-Lo ("and though there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best....")....and so me and TJ and ADP and Lisa and Joan and Sam started to dance and sing ("F*** you and f*** her too!")....I saw our friends in the other room checking us out, secretly longing to join the fun but needing another cocktail to make that happen...and then Sam pressed her lips on the French doors leading to the bar area, and Colleen pressed hers back on the other side...the party was on!! Colleen busted through that door and, as is her style, ramped up the energy with her flexible, bendable body and wild dance moves... Next thing I know, Suse and Danielle and Christine and Janine joined in....and that's when Sam and Colleen picked up the dining room table...food s till on it...and hastily moved it up against the wall... And then Christine did "The Worm" across the open floor.... That's right...The Worm.

Totally awesome...

So of course now that there was no table, everyone was smacking their head on the chandelier...especially the guys, who joined in around the time Nancy and Katie and Mary hit the floor... And I am not sure

which Joe it was who grabbed the broom handle, but the next thing I knew, my friends and their husbands were doing "The Limbo." And it was all of them...no one was shy...even

the most pulled-together party-goers (talking to you, CDP...you too, Tim H...)...everyone was bending and twisting and falling flat on their 40 year old (and beyond) backs...and then Joan grabs my arm and is like: "Let's limbo together!" And I am gripped with fear as she grabs me...all I can think is that I have a little pleated skirt on, 4-inch high red patent leather slingbacks...and that limbo pole is pretty damn low...there was no way in hell the entire party wouldn't be treated to some kind of show if I went through with it....so I panic and screech, louder than I should have:

"Joan! I can't limbo! I am wearing a thong!"

And, not risking any extra exposure limboing away in her cute pants she says: "No big deal, so am I..." I told you we were a fabulous group of women...

So it went on like that...and we kept dancing...and we kept singing...and Scott played DJ...and we threw the obligatory arms around one another, telling each other how much fun we were having and how much we loved each other and how happy we were to have spent this pissy, rainy night at this most amazing party of the season...

And you know, we are lucky to have one another...to even have friends who love us, though they really don't have to, but they still do.

I left at 1:15 and there were still 20 people left behind... And the next morning I felt pretty good other than having a broken knee and no feeling in my toes... Still, no f***ed up hangover outfit in sight, though that's probably because I stayed in my sleeping tank top and shorts til the afternoon. I was one of the lucky ones...some of us ended up in bed for

two days...and bruised all over...and carrying their husband or wife home through the rain...all of which are always a sign of a great time, I think...

Well, that and sporting a totally F***ed Up Hangover Outfit the next morning...

xoxo

PS A late Happy Birthday to my BFFL, Allison...love you forever!!!

Photos:

1. (clockwise) Susan, Joe C., Danielle, Colleen, me and Scott...sweaty, breathless and flipping the bird...clearly the end of the evening was upon us...
2. Which one is the boring Prince???
3. Lisa A. is so sweet to remind me I should plan my lies well in advance...
4. (back row, left to right) Katie, Sam, Me, Lisa A., TJ; (front) ADP and Joan...still ladylike and pulled together...no one knows what we have on underneath our clothes quite yet...
5. Me, Lisa A. and Gwen...I feel we look secretly guilty and I wish I could remember why...hmmmm....
6. Colleen and Suse...I mean, come now...this just speaks for itself...
7. Some gorgeous and fabulous women who make up our friends...and no, that's not George Hamilton on the left there...Mary is much tanner than he is!
8. Christine and Scott...post-Worm, maybe? Scott looks impressed either way...
9. Colleen and Sam...I think Colleen is demo-ing what "Wyckoff-sized" is exactly...
10. Lisa A. and Joan getting down...with me as random sidekick...
11. Sam, Colleen and Me...being upstaged by Suse and Scott...
12. Sam, Me, Katie, Mary, ADP and Suse...a kickline? Really? Gorgeous and fabulous, nonetheless...