I Won't Waste One Single Day...(starting right....now...)...

I am 100% unprepared for the end of the school year and the start of summer...and you know, I have a million things to do before Friday at 1:05 p.m., when the kids are dismissed from George Washington School...and did I mention that a mere 16 hours past dismissal we will be picked up by some stretch van with 4 rows...and said van will deliver us 26 miles east to John F. Kennedy Airport...and I will board the early Jet Blue flight to Bermuda with the kids and my parents and sisters (both brothers are no shows this year...) and nephew.... and our friends, Kerry and Fred's nine year old daughter, Kathleen, who is our guest and Ellie's companion in lieu of my niece, who will be experiencing summer at Ithaca College. And once the jet lifts off, thus begins Summer, 2010....officially.

So anyway, all I mean to communicate here is to say that I am utterly unprepared...have not

packed or even gathered up belongings for myself and the other three human beings I am responsible for... Instead, I am taking the championship in procrastination and training for the Olympic medal in attention deficit disorder. Instead, I am attending every year end party and lunch and brunch and school assembly and PTO kaffeeklatsch and kindergarten graduation. I am taking full afternoons and evenings to socialize and kick back and divert my focus entirely. And even now, here I sit, writing this all down so I can say goodbye for the week..so we can have one last moment together...and so you get the full picture, you should know I write this as I lounge on the floor of my bedroom in a tank top and shorty shorts that say "ACK" across my a** (so refined!!)...my TiVo playing and replaying a Top Chef marathon, my empty suitcase and very full closet left untouched. Well, I told you this was the Olympic medal in ADD, did I not????

Don't worry though...once I am done chit chatting with all of you, I will go into turbo mode and somehow, as I drop off, pick up, hit two consecutive swim practices and a meet with Tim, purchase riding britches and paddock boots for Ellie, celebrate the birth of a friend's baby and then celebrate another friend's marriage, somehow I will have every flip flop, beaded necklace, fun dress and cute tankini in my collection all neatly packed and waiting at the foot of the stairs...be assured of that.

But before I get to that I had to tell you all about the old school keg party we hit this weekend on a vast lawn few blocks over... live classic rock cover band setting the scene...and Skinny Girl margaritas (ok...not so old school...) served up by the Indian Trail Club women's Round Robin tennis champs... Sounds upscale really...and it was...even with the keg and the band and the port-o-johns...and we wore adorable outfits and flirty summer shoes showing off our manicured toes and lightly tanned shoulders.

We started the night on Gwen and Joe's patio (same spot I was the night before with Nance and Amber...and that was after I hit Kim's poolside with the Gourmet posse...)...anyway, on Gwen's patio we enjoyed beers and kir royales and vodka gimlets...with Sam and Chris and Suse and Scott (Scott having just completed the Franklin Lakes triathalon and placing in the Top 50...congrats to all my friends who participated by the way -- Mary, Kathy, Jimmy, Mike, Chris -- I was cheering you on...a spicy Bloody Mary in hand...or maybe it was an ice cream cone...)...I digress.... So I spent the entire day leading up to and those last moments on the patio at Gwen's before the kegger trying to convince everyone that we had to do as we did back in the day of the genuine high school keg party and walk to the fest en masse up Wyckoff Avenue. And Gwen and Sam were on board, but by the time Suse and Scott arrived, the guys had already talked us out of it...and we all hopped in the SUVs and drove the 8/10 of a mile instead (bunch of pansies...).

So we arrived with our hostess gifts and kissed our hosts and then found TJ and Jim who had staked out a cocktail table on the patio...positioned equidistant from the buffet and the dance floor (which was really just a stretch of lush green grass in front of the lead singer's microphone...)... And when Helen came around with a pitcher of those Skinny Girl things (made of Patron and Fresca and lime juice, I think...sort of like 7Up on steroids...) we swiped the entire thing from her as she labeled our cocktail glasses with our names...like we were grown up 5 year olds at some Twilight Zone backyard barbecue...priceless!! And we drained that pitcher almost immediately...in no time another appeared...and soon Pina and Colleen and the Pauls arrived...and by then we were enjoying ourselves tremendously.

So the night went on and I know that at some point I was demonstrating the difference in height between myself and my predecessor as PTO president by standing on my tippy toes and then squatting down extra low and waving up at the crowd above who guffawed endlessly and my ridiculousness...but I am spot on...she is at least a foot taller than me, and she stood there laughing as I mocked us...so we are an odd pair, that's all... Anyway, it was at this time that Helen and Sam and Chris and Gwen and Joe started playing quarters on that mini-cocktail table and Helen kept choosing me to drink, even though I was not playing....so when I saw ADP and CDP make their appearance I grabbed TJ and we escaped to greet them...ADP grabbed a bottle of water, and without much discussion, we hit the dance floor. Just the three of us. Alone. All alone.

And you know the drill....we laughed and hugged and danced like we were co-eds once again...demoing our best pseudo-Dead Head moves... You know, my bohemianish preppy gal strapless shift could have been a stylish Dead Head's dress, I suppose...and Trish had a long beaded necklace on, so that qualified... But you see...we broke the ice by being the first to take the plunge and soon the Indian Trail tennis posse and the PTO gals and Suse and Pina and Colleen gathered around us...and then when some guy who was apparently the husband of one of the playground moms took over on the drums, the legit drummer came out and thanked us profusely when we pulled him into our little dance circle... So yet again...we made someone's night...what else is new??? Or maybe not...Ha!

At any rate...after our American Bandstand moment we sneaked to the front yard and told stories and I think TJ and I marveled over how gorgeous and fit Colleen looks barely a month post baby...and we almost convinced one another that it wouldn't be so bad to have another baby even though we are so far out of the woods, our youngest ones big kids now (knife in my heart...)...But you know, why should we let our post 35ishness and a guaranteed C-section stop us???...ummmm...where do I begin?...clearly those Skinny Girl things were potent (it's the Fresca) and our senses had escaped us... Time to go!

So we made our exit...grabbing the crew and waving goodbye to all...Suse and Scott and Gwen and Joe with us (Sam and Chris performed the Irish Goodbye at least two hours prior...), traipsing down Wyckoff Avenue like a bunch of sophomores...and piling into an SUV to drive home the 8/10's of a mile...like the old b**tards we are becoming. Still...it was only midnight, the night had been full... we were fun and lively and we played quarters and we danced and we hung with the band...

And here we are...almost a week past the kegger and I am no closer to being ready to leave for a week in paradise with my three babies...Rum Swizzles and cobalt seas await me...why am I not prepared??? But...I have convinced myself that it will happen regardless...it always does...somehow I always pull through...and I can still hit every year end party and lunch and brunch and school assembly and PTO kaffeeklatsch and even my baby boy's kindergarten graduation along the way. And so I will be a little spent by the time we deplane in Bermuda...nothing a few Rum Swizzles and a pretty sunset won't cure.

And then I will come home in July and get right back to it with camps and parties and visits and trips and summer fun....but I'll have had my one week in paradise, which is even so much more than I could ask for...well that and a rocking tan....

Kisses and hugs to all my summer loves...
xoxo

Photos:

1. The kids and I on a misty Hamilton Harbor a few days in the future...or maybe it was in the hazy past...either way, could it get much better???

2. Baby Boy...my sweet little darling as he graduates from kindergarten Wednesday afternoon...and if you think I wasn't weeping throughout, you are sadly mistaken...

3. A pitcher of b**tardized Skinny Girl margaritas (with Fresca!) alongside our labeled keg party cups...please note Sam's is also labeled "Left Fist." Pretty sure there was a gimlet on the right side....

4. Gwen, me and Sam...toasting the first of many backyard parties this summer...

5. Third time new mom Colleen, Suse, Pina and me...kind of looks like I am getting a little friendly with Pina...it was the pseudo margaritas!!

6. Helen and Sam kick a bunch of dudes' a**es in quarters...without breaking a sweat...

7. TJ and me on the dance floor/grassy knoll...channeling the stoner sorority girls within...

8. Legit drummer and thrilled dancing partner surrounded by my gorgeous and festive girlfriends, (left to right) Colleen, Suse, ADP, TJ and Pina...

9. ADP, TJ, me and Gwen....I'd say legs up in the air is usually a sign to call it a night...usually...

10. Rum Swizzles are waiting for me...at the Swizzle Inn, Bailey's Bay, Bermuda...yum yum!

Picking Up The Pieces...

It was all fun and games last week until the squirrel committed suicide on my driveway....

This past week just happened to be one of those extra busy, fun weeks jam-packed with gatherings and dinners and outings... And even though I had just come off the big party weekend leading into Memorial Day, I fully embraced my social butterfly side all over again. It is June after all, summer coming...much to celebrate. So I started all over again on Wednesday with Sally's big birthday dinner...Sally and me and Stacey and Lyncher, friends since Freshman year of high school, at Rebecca's, this little hidden gem Cuban BYO in Edgewater...a secret patio in the back, nestled among the cliffs and ravines of the Hudson River-side...and the night was warm and the patio was lit by white Christmas lights and after we ran off the little family and the romantic young couple, we had said patio all to ourselves. Together we (and by that I mean Stacey and I with minimal help from Sally and Lyncher...) downed 4 bottles of Spanish rose with our plantains and ropa vieja and croquetas...and as Sally sported her birthday sombrero, we laughed non-stop with and at each other...

Thankfully Stacey's young cousin Lucas drove us home...and thankfully, I felt crisp and clear and ready to go on Thursday morning (unlike Stacey who was in bed until 1 p.m....), because I had an official PTO welcome brunch/meeting and then that night a country club cocktail party with my 22 year old bestie, Kaitlyn...brand new graduate of Stonehill College and new employee at a big international financial firm. And you know, we rocked our preppy strapless dresses and worked the room and chatted up all the old geezers and had drinks with some Southern guy and a few frat boys and we somehow became the new muses to a fine gentlemen in pink seersucker pants who thought Kaitlyn and I were the same age...and though this might sound like an insult to KRose, she had already admitted her age to him when he made the assumption...which shows you how drunk he must have been. All along we made note of the wiry, un-made up, strong-faced WASP gals in the room...we looked like showgirls next to them for crissakes...but I don't find a thing wrong with injecting a teeny, tiny bit of sexy cuteness into a buttoned-up old men's club...and so we did...

On Friday night we celebrated my own birthday (again) with Allison, Kevin, Marty and Casey -- burgers and beers at Langan's (which I tried to pay for only to surrender when Marty practically dove across the table and whacked the billfold from my hands...) and a performance of "Rock of Ages" starring Wyckoff's very own (and Steve M.'s cousin), Constantine Maroulis, and where we coincidentally bumped into our friends Charlie and Teri. So, anyway, while I love the retro 80's power ballads of Styx and Journey and REO Speedwagon...I must admit, I was having a hard time reconciling sitting in this Broadway theater while pounding Coors Lights sold to us by waiters trolling the aisles throughout the performance...like at a Mets game or something. And though I didn't partake, the beers added to the ambiance, and I think the producers of this show realized it would be far more enjoyable to watch while p*ss drunk...and I would have to agree. It was such a fun night though, being with my BFFs, Casey and Al in this 80's-centric experience...just like in high school...

It was Saturday morning when the week-long buzzy fun came to a halt....as I ran around the house trying to find Tim's baseball uniform, making the beds, throwing together breakfast, getting dressed, tossing laundry in the dryer, I hear Ellie say:

"Mom, there is a dead squirrel on the driveway..."

And she's all matter of fact and straightforward...no real emotion, just stating the truth.... Not I...I start freaking the f**k out... "What???!!! Are you sure???!!!" And again, she simply states that there is a dead squirrel on the driveway, right next to the basketball hoop...she even demoed the squirrel's death face for me...all while the panic rises within me.

Now, aside from tornadoes and vampires, my greatest fear in life is coming into contact with any form of wild life. I am not one of those folks who thinks it's adorable when a deer is at the side of the road...or when a bear gets stuck in a tree in some suburban park....or when a freaking bunny births another litter in my forsythia. I know it sounds bad, but I think it is kind of gross....and I curse the developers and dirty politicians who have approved the blasting of mountainsides to put in McMansions, pushing wild animals down into our backyards, the poor things....and because of that, my friend's dog was eaten by a coyote. I love animals...but I love them best when they keep a clear distance from me. And a dead animal...ugh...god help me... I couldn't bring myself to look at it...so the boys confirmed Ellie's declaration after surveying the scene themselves.

So a million thoughts go through my head...I am alone, just me and my kids...I consider briefly calling Suse's Scott or Kim's John or Mary's Sandy or Joe's Gwen....and then I remember my dad...I should call him, I think. But I am too embarrassed to do so...instead I decide that this is a right of passage for me as a woman...eventually everyone has to toss out the dead animals that come into their lives...and this was my moment. So I enlist Ellie, as my oldest, to be my partner in crime scene clean up...I make her grab some trash bags and I grab a big snow shovel and then a garden shovel as the big broom is amongst the missing (great timing!!)...and I head out for my initial investigation. And of course, upon first view of this silent, still rodent, the wind blows and it's diseased furry tail moves and Ellie and I scream in terror...Did it just move???? Is it still alive??? we ask one another....but clearly, it is not, because there it lays, still. I begin to tear up from pure fear as I close in on the little thing and I see no obvious outer injuries...no blood or wounds...no bite marks...so I look up and see in direct line with the final resting place are a tree branch, the edge of my roof and a cable that is connected to my neighbor's house...and with this evidence I declared the incident as self-inflicted...suicide or accidental death by a leap too short...certainly no foul play...no gangsta raccoons to arrest as or anything...(see, I learned a lot from watching The First 48...). It took a few tries because Ellie and I both kept running from the scene screaming, but eventually I covered the body with a rag and then scooped it up with the shovel and deposited it into a trash bag...which I then triple bagged. So utterly gross. Thankfully my Dad played coroner's office and removed the bag from my property and tossed it in an unnamed local public garbage can....like it never happened...very Jersey of us.

I did my best to shake the heebie jeebies for the rest of the day and later I rallied and prettied up for Sally's Surprise Birthday party at Stout NYC on 33rd Street, where I met Stacey and Christine and we toasted a shocked Sally...and at which a group of servicemen on leave came and joined us in our toast...frankly, I am not sure any of them were of legal drinking age, therefore they were at least 25 years below my preferred target age... but a few cougars in the room made them feel welcome.

So then it was Sunday afternoon....I was preparing to ride out the spotty thunderstorms until the planned evening barbecue at Sam's house, I was cleaning my kitchen, making some lunch for the kids...and out of nowhere, like a high speed bullet heading straight for me, as I shut the oven door, two glass Pyrex casserole dishes, one 9x13, which was held inside an 11x15, flew out of the cabinet above...and I do not exaggerate...they flew like there was some evil force expelling them or as though someone had performed the Heimlich on my cabinet...straight forward, totally airborne, missing my head by no more than 5 inches. They smashed on my kitchen floor, scattering shards of thick, heavy glass across the entire floor, into the dining room, front hallway and powder room. And I just stood there dumbfounded, looking at the floor and the shards like little diamonds twinkling back at me...and I realize it would be my head down there had I not pulled back...and I just kept thinking: "a million little pieces..."

This garbage removal was far more labor intensive than the last debacle...took me a full hour to complete...but I just floated through it, thanking Jesus, Mary, Joseph, all the angels and saints...my guides and all that...they must have saved me from this random event, the propelling dishes, 8 pounds combined, probably a result of some pissed off squirrel poltergeist that now inhabits my walls (or maybe my questionable pan balancing abilities...not unlike that poor squirrel, just missing the cable from the branch...)...but at least Ellie wasn't standing over my listless body nonchalantly telling the boys: "There's a dead Mommy on the kitchen floor...."

Instead two hours later I was sitting on Sam's deck with Gwen, sipping a frozen purple grape juice margarita (trademark: Brian H.)...again, laughing with and at my friends, watching my kids run around in the yard, playing tag, blowing bubbles...

So, I guess I was just reminded yet again that there are worse fates than having a little unexpected refuse to dispose of now and then in life...some fears to face and messes to clean up...that is not a big deal at all when you are blessed with friends and family who love you and want you to be there for their birthdays and barbecues and nights out and burgers and beers and memories from decades past....or for the unknown brand new memories to make together... In fact, I think nothing beats knowing there are still countless brand new memories in front of us...scattered about the years ahead like a million little pieces...

Photos:

1 & 2. Sally, Stacey, Lyncher and me...at least two bottles of Spanish rose in, acting the fools and celebrating the years ahead...

3. KRose (far left) and Me (far right) flank one of the member wives in her dainty straw hat...or maybe that is Christina Applegate and Heather Graham with Chloe Sevigny...but we looked exactly like that...

4. Casey, me and Allison celebrate memories of more than 26 years together...over beer and burgers and '80's power ballads...

5. A little black bear enjoying the cozy and cheerful benefits of urban sprawl...cute!!

6. The suicidal squirrel had a past apparently....

7. Sally toasts her birth with the innocent, underage boys who protect our freedom...our freedom to be boozy cougars, apparently...

8. Actual shot of a small section of my kitchen floor, covered in broken glass...

9. Giving me new memories every single day...Tim, Ellie and Will, last summer on Longboat Key...